Facebook comment sends irresponsible woman into a frenzy, which leads her to cut off her caring, helpful older sister: ‘I moved across the country to help [her]’

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    two women arguing and looking away from one another
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    "AITA for moving out and going no contact after a Facebook comment?"

    I (33F) moved across the country to help my younger sister (32F) after her chaotic divorce.
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    She has two young kids, and her ex (who spiraled into homelessness) somehow still got 50/50 custody, but then completely disappeared for almost a year.
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    She was overwhelmed running her business alone, terrified he'd suddenly show up and take the kids, and begged me for almost a year to come help because she was "drowning." I'm in the military and was able to request a transfer for family-emergency reasons.
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    We've always been extremely close, so I agreed. I also wanted more time with her kids, who I adore.
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    At first things were great. I watched the kids several days a week, took on house projects, and gave her the flexibility to work or take personal trips.
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    We agreed I'd stay at least six months, pay $900/month (supposed to go into a custody lawyer fund), and she'd use the stability to rebuild financially.
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    But over time I realized she was still constantly hiring babysitters - even when she wasn't working - and going out drinking, taking trips with a guy she was seeing, buying illegal su ces from my now-former best friend, and shopping nonstop.
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    She makes over $120k plus (and an additional $2100/month in child support and my rent), but still claimed she was "broke"... right before planning a NYC trip (after already doing multiple beach and mountain trips).
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    I felt uneasy but stayed quiet. Then I noticed she was binge drinking and using w g ies regularly
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    I gently told her I was worried about safety and that I'd always cover her if she needed a night off.
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    She seemed receptive - but then "joked" to mutual friends that I'd called her an alcoholic.
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    I brushed it off. Everything blew up over a Facebook post. She shared something very misinformed about a world event, and I left a vague nine-word comment disagreeing (nothing r de orp tical - I'm military so I can't post opinions anyway).
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    more of a "food for thought" comment. She immediately deleted the post, texted me angrily, and when I apologized and asked to talk, she shut me down with "period," "end of story," and "the end." Completely out of character for her.
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    After giving her space, I called and she unleashed on me. Six minutes of straight insults, mocking, yelling, calling me cold- hearted and manipulative, saying I "don't fit in" and should "know my place," and even throwing a personal insecurity I'd confided in her back in my face.
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    I tried to de-escalate and apologized repeatedly, but she just kept escalating. I finally said, "If your goal is to make me cry, you succeeded," and hung up sobbing.
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    I cried for days but still sent another apology because I didn't want something so small to ruin our relationship.
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    a person typing on a keyboard
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    She doubled down, said she wasn't sorry, and insisted that speaking to me like that was her "protecting her peace." That's when I told her I'd be moving out - I refuse to live with someone who thinks that level of cruelty is acceptable.
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    I paid another half- month of rent even though I was only there a week. Then she went nuclear.
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    She twisted the situation and told my lifelong best friend and even my coworkers that I was "crazy," "unwell," and "dramatic." Suddenly I was seeing passive-aggressive "best friend" posts all over social media, straight Mean Girls behavior from adults in their 30s.
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    One of our brothers even deleted me without asking what happened. I was basically alienated over the course of a couple weeks.
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    I said nothing except to my oldest sister who is not involved w most of our family.
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    My older sister (a psychologist) told me, "You don't need to defend a version of you that doesn't exist." She reminded me that if anyone cared, they would ask and if - they didn't, that was my answer.
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    She told me to use this moment to see who my real friends were. I had just moved states, had no community yet, and now everyone I'd ever known was hearing I was unstable.
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    It was crushing. I eventually moved out of our hometown entirely, got my own place a couple hours away, and started rebuilding.
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    I cried a lot and started therapy bc losing the person closest to me was a heartbreak I couldn't make sense of.
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    Months later, my stepdad told me my sister has a long pattern of lying and manipulating & a bunch of other things I never knew.
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    He said stepping back was healthy and long overdue and he supported me. It still breaks my heart.
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    I lost my sister and a friend of 30 years over a nine-word comment. And after everything I sacrificed to help her, all I asked for was not to be screamed at.
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    She's now acting like I "abandoned" her, but the reality is she bulldozed every boundary I had.
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    I miss her kids. I miss what our relationship used to be. But my parents say she'll come around with time and that I need to put myself first.
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    But if she does come around, how do I even begin to have that conversation? So... AITA for moving out and going no contact?

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